What Is My Purpose In Life?
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You are unhappy in life because you are unfulfilled. Being unfulfilled means you are not having your needs met in some way, whether that be career, relationships, or personal. You make excuses for yourself, but the reality is you are sleepwalking through life and you need to wake up. Here’s how to begin …
First you need to identify what needs are not being met. Unfortunately for most, this requires brutal honestly and introspection, which many are unwilling to do.
We talk ourselves down and we make up excuses for ourselves …
… A Few Excuses That Might Sound Familiar
“Lots of people fall-out-of-love with our partners, that is just a part of life”.
Yes, lots of people do, and that is sad, and usually preventable. In the U.S. 50% of marriages end in divorce or separation.
“My job is fine. It’s not my dream role, but it works for me”.
According to ‘Pew Research, “About half (49%) of American workers say they are very satisfied with their current job. Three-in-ten are somewhat satisfied, and the remainder say they are somewhat dissatisfied (9%) or very dissatisfied (6%)”.
Considering we spend 2/3rds of our lives working, there are a lot of unhappy people for a large period of their life.
“I don’t enjoy hanging out with other people, I just prefer to be by myself”.
“A 2019 survey of 2,000 US adults found that 45% of people find it challenging to make new friends. They also found that the average American hasn't made a new friend in five years. Add this to the fact that a 2018 survey of 20,000 Americans found that 46% of respondents always feel lonely.”
That’s a lot of very lonely people who would definitely benefit from having better, stronger relationships with people, and definitely would benefit from therapy.
You might have answered yes to all of these questions … and if so props to you!
However, there might be some areas you are missing …
Here’s What I Recommend
One of the best tools I have used in my life to examine if I am meeting all my needs is called, the “Zuzunaga Venn Diagram of Purpose” or the “Purpose Diagram” created by Andres Zuzunaga.
The Purpose Venn Diagram
It is often referred to as “Ikigai” which is a Japanese concept that essentially means “a reason for being”. AKA finding your purpose! However, this diagram is not used in Japanese culture … as it is rather a visualization of the concept.
I recommend filling out a template (I have many times!) to help you visualize what areas of your life you are fulfilling, and what areas you can / should fulfill, particularily when it comes to what you do for a living. This is super helpful in finding your purpose in all areas of life.
How Can I Find My Purpose in Life?
The short answer is that it’s time to break the cycle and refuse to go back … and it’s a literal cycle.
In order to find your purpose you need to rediscover yourself. You need to break the cycle and use your time effectively to discover what you need, what you love, and what will fulfill you. Just make it happen.
It’s as simple and complex as that :)
It can be anything!
Perfecting a hobby/craft.
Starting a side-business.
Creating, Writing, Videography, Photography, Anything.
How Do We Break The Cycle?
There is no magic bullet. It takes consistency and practice.
You Need Your Needs Met.
Here are a few helpful tips though to help!
Start small and work your way up.
Don’t commit to too much too fast.
Find a balance between working and doing things for enjoyment.
Why is Finding Fulfullment Important?
Don’t you just love feeling stressed out, irritable, and looking around at your life and feeling an overall shrug of “it is what it is”.
Yeah. No.
Jokes aside, if you’re feeling unfulfilled, as I mentioned above …
You aren’t having your needs met in some way.
And no…
You don’t need a vacation.
It would not be easier if … blah blah blah.
Buying a bunch of crap will not make you feel better.
You will not feel better if … X, Y, and Z happen.
You need to get your needs met.
Maybe your job is mentally draining you.
Maybe your relationship is just … not working.
Maybe you are not taking care of yourself. Especially mentally.
Maybe you are completely overwhelmed by all the stuff you piled on your plate. Or better yet, what other people slopped onto your plate.
I can’t tell you what needs you have are not being met. What I can tell you is that not having your needs met … for years, is draining you.
The short answer is essentially that life is too short to spend it being miserable and not getting your needs met.
Everyone has circumstances that make it difficult to get their needs met … family, friends, a crappy boss, or it’s just you … undermining you.
However, it is your responsiblity to find ways around your circumstances to get your needs met.
And that can be as simple as just asking for help.
How Do I Find Fulfillment In Myself?
There’s really three categories of people here. Either you …
Let’s get started …
You Know What You Want
It’s time for brutal honesty. Barring extraneous circumstances like mental health issues, if you know what you want … and you’re not doing it there’s a good chance you …
You are completely overwhelming yourself. That’s counterproductive in the long run because when you load a bunch of stuff on your to-do list you don’t even know where to begin and everything comes to a stop.
Have you ever just gotten into bed and turned on a show because you’re so overwhelmed you can’t do anything?
You don’t want it/enjoy it. You’re lying to yourself and making up excuses because you’re not invested.
Maybe you’re afraid of letting go of that sport or hobby because you have always identified with it as a large part of your personality.
There are a million reasons why you’re not doing the work. The point is that you need to evaluate why you aren’t doing it, and if it’s worth your time, money, and energy.
Pro Tip
You will hear me say this a lot.
Do you ever find yourself …
Buying a bunch of gear because you think that will magically make you better or fix your problem?
Making up excuses every time you have to follow through on it
“I'll do it tomorrow”. Sure.
“Planning” to do something rather than just doing it?
confused about whether you are on the right path?
Babe, this is normal! It’s normal to wonder if what you’ve been working towards will be fulfilling.
I mean, yeah it’s probably not great if you’re about to graduate from law school and the idea of practicing law disgusts you.
But if you’re concerned that if you choose the wrong major you are going to be miserable, make no money, die alone … or whatever dramatic spiral you’re having, remember …
You are many things. You have many gifts, talents, and abilities. You may not be a professional, or even really good. That’s where the work comes in. You just need to try.
You can be many things. The world is big, and people make lots of money selling photoshopped images of themselves on the internet. I’m just saying that you are not pigeonholed.
You will do many things. Chances are … you will do many different jobs. You will move many times. You will be friends with people, and then you will meet new people. You will look different, you will feel different.
… And that’s beautiful :)
You have no clue what you wanT
Yeah … and most people don’t either. You’re not alone. Lots of people feel lost, frustrated, and like they aren’t good at anything.
That’s where the work comes in… which should be exciting! I don’t say that to scare you. In fact, you should be stoked!
Acknowledging you need a change is the first step towards finding fulfillment and existing in a state where you are genuinely excited by what you do for a living, the people you are around, the art you create, etc.
I can’t tell you what to do to find your passion in life.
If I had to create a formula I would say …
What Does Fulfillment Mean in Life?
Fulfillment and finding purpose is not about the end goal. It is about the work and getting through it.
It’s not always going to be fun. It’s not going to be easy.
It honestly wouldn’t feel good if it was.
News Flash!
You will never actually reach a state of complete fulfillment.
Finding purpose in life is also looking back at how far you’ve come and being proud of the progress you’ve made towards your goals.
Fulfillment is doing things you enjoy in your life and not feeling sorry for enjoying them.
Fulfillment is being able to look back and appreciate what you did, what you learned, and the people and things around you.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…
Fulfillment = Getting Your Needs Met
Whatever stage of life you are in … happy or sad, rich or broke, lonely or surrounded by loved ones, happy and content or in complete need of a remodel
… appreciate how far you’ve come, decide on the next stage of where you want to go, and go with grace and gratitude. But actually go.
You’d be surprised how far you’d get if you start now.